i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
