i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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