remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize