Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
