why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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