at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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