so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
