Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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