on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
only you would photoshop your dick
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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