My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Randomize
