I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
