He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
