im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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