How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
