She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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