The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't deserve a penis
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
