Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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