just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
