It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
