Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
