Already got asked if we're dating
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
