in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
