I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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