can u get pink eye on your cock?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
