You can't motorboat a personality
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
