Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
