Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
