The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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