if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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