i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
