I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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