yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
