accomplished twins. life is a go
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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