I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
