I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
