you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
