i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
