And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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