so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Even my vagina gasped.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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