This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
