Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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