i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
