no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
