***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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