if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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