look no pants
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
