Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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