hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
