Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
