i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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