i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
