she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
