the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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