My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
