I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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